struggles

When I hit 147 after a family dinner I decided I needed to start counting calories again.  If I was going to stay under 145 I needed to be down to 140 not struggling at the top of my range.  I realized I am eating too much sugar.  Monday, the week before Easter I started making some caramel chocolate cups and ate so many of them that in the middle of the night about 3:00 am I woke up with a deep awareness of my lack of self control.  I was poisoning my body.  Pre diabetes is a serious concern.  I got up and wrapped up the chocolate cups and extra caramel and put it in the downstairs freezer.  I didn't eat any chocolate or candy or desserts until Easter when I made a cheesecake and finished using the good chocolate to make caramel cups to give to the family.  I refrained from eating any on Saturday while I was making them and had only two on Sunday when I gave the rest away except for those I had put in the freezer which now didn't look any good.  I went almost another week with no chocolate candy or desserts but while I was making a black bottom cake for today I ate a handful of frozen caramel pieces to make up for the fact that I wouldn't allow myself any caramel today since I would be eating cake.  Not a good thing to do at bedtime.  I had the calories left, but it wasn't a good idea.  I weighed 141.8 pounds this morning, the same weight for the last three days.  I still haven't hit the 140 mark for a long time.  I realize I need to keep eating more healthy foods and after I settle into the 140 weight range, maybe I can try for a 135-140 range.